Bette-this one's for you

This video is perfect for Bette.

For the last four years i have been working for Payless Shoe source. I never would of thought i would meet the strongest woman i know. Bette was a manager for one of the stores. When i first met her i had no idea she had cancer. She was one of those that didn't really talk about it. She didn't dwell on her pain, she just lived her life. It wasn't until Jan 2011 that i actually got a chance to know her. The cancer was spreading and being a manager was getting too hard so she stepped down to full time and i became the manager of the store she has ran for the last 13 years. Bette was an amazing woman. I learned so much about her and her life the time i worked with her. She was strong, funny, and nice. Bette was my mentor. She always was there for me when i needed help. Every day we would laugh, joke, and complain bout our days or how slow work was. I will never forget her little wink she would always give me, or the day she helped me and comforted me when a mean costumer ruined my day. What i loved about Bette was no matter what she was dealing with or the pain she was feeling she was always working hard and smiling. Bette always showed up at work and never took a break. She was stubborn as well. She didnt want to rest or take time off. She wanted to keep going. Bette was a joker. She was a friend. A confidant. A mentor. Bette would tell me stories bout her life. Where she went, what she did, and her memories of her past, the good times and the bad. I realized then that Bette lived her life. She went to places we would never imagine going. She went through hard times. She had amazing kids who supported her. And she had a wonderful boyfriend who stood by her side. Even though he drove her crazy they loved each other. He would go with her to all chemo treatments and sit by her side. He would take out to lunch after. Help around her house. He did everything for, even towards the end when she was at her worst. Bette is an inspiration. My life was touched because of her. Its amazing how in such a short amount of time how well you get to know a person, and how they can make such a big impact in your life. Bette was such a strong woman and i know that she is in a better place now. I am glad that she does not have to suffer anymore. Since 2003 bette has been fighting this cancer. But now she can be free. You will be missed Bette. Every day, always.

Bette, i miss seeing you every day at work. I miss talking to you, complaining about the things no one else would really understand. I miss joking with you. It still feels unreal that you are gone and i will never see you again. I wish i could of got the chance to tell you how awesome you are to me. I know you are in better hands now. And remember all of us miss you and love you! Thank you so much for everything. For always listening to me and helping me when i needed it. You are so strong and i appreciate all your hard work you did. I will keep the store nice and rocking the numbers for you! I miss you. And hopefully will get to see you in the future.

truth be told

You fight your battles every day.
You don't know if its ever going to end.
You have the days you feel like surrendering.
You have given all you could.
You're losing the good fight.

Its hard some days. I just feel like giving up. Maybe if i walked away i would have peace. I have this secret i hold and its breaking me down. All i want is the TRUTH to come out. To be told the truth. I want closure. But then again, i wish it wasn't true. I think about it and realize that with this, its only going to bring down this relationship. But its not my fault this happened. I was not in the wrong. I was just the girl who had no idea. I was so wrapped up that i did not see this coming. I say its not my fault, but maybe it is. Maybe i went wrong somewhere before. Maybe i was not good enough or did not give all i could. This "secret" is what brings me down. Makes me feel that i am not good enough. Because if someone you love really did love you, why would they do something like this to you?...............I have all these questions. i try to ignore it. And majority of the days i am good and WE are good. but what happend months ago i cant get over....it makes me worry. makes me sad. i dont deserve it. i never did anything to deserve it.
i may look like the fool cuz i am still here. but i am here because i feel two people can get passed it. But the truth needs to be told.

when you are with someone

 When you are with someone for a couple years, you learn a lot about love, honesty, trust, lies, pain and happiness. You also get to know that person. Their fears, what makes them happy, their goals in life, and you also know things that they dont realize you know. Like you can always tell if they are not telling you the truth, or if something is wrong. You get to know this person inside and out. Its a great thing.

When you are with someone for a couple years you fall in love with your best friend. You only see them in your future and cant imagine life without them. But also you come across problems. You have fights, and obstacles that try and tear you apart.  And once something comes along and tears you apart, it makes it harder to go back and have everything you have had before.But you can still work it out. Just remember...its not gonna be the same.